'A Comedy Of Errors' In Seven Acts / Part 12
Other Issues

Alas! those Yankee soldiers called the bluff And once again encompa.s.sed our defeat.

While principles unchanging we declare, Yet what, indeed, is it that changeth not?

Why, every Democrat should early know That to obtain the offices is but The one unchanging principle at stake, And every effort that we these attain.

Should spur us on; like as "Toreador"

Doth flaunt his robe to blind unreas'ning eyes, So we the "Const.i.tution" e'er should wave, Attention to distract from tender points Of history which forward not out cause.

SIR LA MUTT: Sir Count, what should we hide from public gaze?

I and the President came from a stock Which helped to build a mighty common wealth.

'Tis true, in time of stress our father stood In serried ranks to tear the structure down And on its ruins build a fairer state With negro slavery its cornerstone.

Alas! the northern "mudsills" did prevail, And now the white supremacy is held By shrewdly circ.u.mventing vicious laws, We Southerners within this tropic clime Do sympathize with these ill.u.s.tr'ous men Who here to night their presence happ'ly lend To join us in our tears and in our joys _(Turning to the Filipinos.)_ We are your friends; Republicans, your foes, For they indeed would raise the tao up And fill his head with notions most unwise, Just as they seek to place on equal terms Our "servants" in the sunny southland clime.

There lurks one serpent in our city leal Of whom beware! for he is full of guile.

But once when he Count Luie did attack I counter-thrust did give with my deft pen; And though I flayed him in my treachant style, He, being slow of wit, did know it not; And as "Old Fogy" he doth often spout His forthy nonsense in the daily press.

But now I speak in no uncertain terms Of our great President; for I and he Are intimates as only those can be We meet on terms of mental equity.

Hence trust in me! For I will quick advise Him as to matters in these lovely Isles.

Sweet friends, there is a bond which holds us fast: You aimed your guns to riddle that old flag _(Points to the stars and stripes dramatically, drawing up his commanding figure.)_ And while we Democrats it ne'er a.s.sailed _(Rises on his toes and with a baseball voice.)_ Yet know ye, that our fathers did the same.

_(Great applause by some, others hang their heads.)_

COUNT LOUIE: With grat.i.tude I do at once recall When good La Mutt did to my aid repair.

And he so scared mine adversary then That I in pity did not e'en retort.

For there are times when with a cold disdain One soars aloft and sees a pigmy not.

Twere vain to argue with a half-fledged mind, Thus casting pearls before ign.o.ble swine.

A DEMOCRAT: But victory still sitteth on our perch, And yet we ratify in pensive tones.

Let joy now reign, let vain regrets depart, And for small favors thank the G.o.d of Hosts.

A REPRESENTATIVE: A good majority sits in the house, Enough to give us independence still, Then what eventuates _without our land_ We care not so we grasp the reigns of state.

COUNT LOUIE: After refreshments (_smacks his lips_) we will then adjourn, And if some Southern gentleman desires, We will repair unto a private room And in a game of poker spend the night, Thus celebrating in a proper way A victory indeed of doubtful cast.

But to our joy affix a deep regret, For that proud list of eighty warring knights Who fell with faces always to the front Yet ready stand to wage anew the fight Whene'er their ears close to their mother earth Shall hear the call to office once again.

_(Reflectively.)_ For once a politician wins the race, He like an warhorse smells the battle far And to his dying day doth live in hope That grateful country may make its demand.

_(Close by singing an ode to the air; "Hark, from the Tomb a Doleful Sound")_ Sleep! martyrs, sleep! till resurrection morn, When sounding trump shall call to office sweet; Republicans may grin with silent scorn, But we like hungry pigs still smell the teat.